Now I Am Under
by Eliza2012
Summary: While Jeremy sleeps, Elena and Damon explore what's happening between them.


I run from the room, from Damon, from what I fear might happen if I stay there one more minute with him beside me, his hand holding mine, his eyes on mine, his face so open and vulnerable.

"Don't," I say, angry when he follows me, unwilling to let this die.

"Why not?" he says and for a moment, my heart and mind battle.

"_Elena_…"

His voice is so soft and so full of need. And then my desire for him, my need for his kiss overtakes me and my heart wins. I run to him and he's there, waiting, his arms already open.

For a moment, I'm lost in the feel of his lips against mine, my fingers in his hair, our bodies joined in an embrace and my heart feels as if it will explode.

Then the moment shifts like the ground under your feet in the first tremors of an earthquake. He presses me against the pillar and I'm no longer kissing him. He's kissing me now, his passion overwhelming my own and I realize I'm in trouble.

I can't take this back.

This isn't like the other kisses that I could explain away as being out of friendship or comfort or caring.

This kiss is about desire.

Even now, with his body pressed against mine, his lips on my neck, his hands slipping down my body to pull me against him so that I feel his hardness, my mind fights back and won't let me just give in the way my heart wants me to.

I think of Stefan and hate myself for what this will do to him.

Despite everything I feel, despite my beating heart and the incredible heat in my body, I can't stop thinking of every moment of past doubt, every time I've hated Damon, every ounce of fear I've felt.

I can't stop _thinking_.

This doesn't feel like it should. I should be happy. I should feel the rightness of this moment, but I don't. I can't.

What's _wrong_ with me?

Damon pulls back and takes my face in his hands, his eyes so filled with passion that it chokes me.

"Damon, I don't know…"

"Shh," he whispers, a finger against my lips, his eyes soft. "You _do_ know."

He's right. I _do_ know that I want him, but my mind fights with my body, telling me he's not right, he's too powerful, he's too old, too dangerous. Too unpredictable.

But my body tells me what my heart already knows – I love him despite everything and my heart wins. What he did for Rose…

I close my eyes and he kisses me once more, the kiss now tender, still filled with need but no longer so forceful that I feel out of control.

"_Jeremy_," I say, one last moment of protest slipping out despite my heart winning.

"Jeremy's asleep." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a keycard. "I bought another room," he says, a look on his face that seems to say he knew this might happen and that makes me tense and pull back in anger.

"You got another room?"

"Just in case you didn't want me to stay in the same room with you and Jeremy."

"You were going to stay alone?"

"If you wanted me to," he says, his voice still a bit breathless. "I get that you don't trust me after what happened with Jeremy. You know, that little thing I did when I killed him?"

He doesn't smile like he would have before and I know he regrets what happened. He takes my hand and kisses my palm, then puts the keycard in it, closing my fingers around it with his own. He looks at me with those wide blue eyes.

"You choose."

He rests his forehead against mine again, waiting, his eyes closed. His breath is ragged even now, his nostrils flaring with each breath and I can feel his erection still pressing against my hip. It sends a jolt of lust right to my flesh.

When I hesitate, he opens his eyes.

"I'm yours, Elena," he says as if to reassure me, and his voice is so soft I can barely hear it. "Don't you know that I've always been yours?" He shakes his head and I can see pain start behind his eyes because now he's afraid I won't go with him. "For God's sake, either take me or release me." He takes my face in his hands again and stares straight into my eyes.

"_I. Love. You_."

He presses his forehead against mine and his breath hitches and I know in that moment that he does love me. His love is deep but also desperate. It makes my legs so weak that I almost fall, but he catches me, pulling me against his body once more. Then he picks me up, carrying me to the room and I don't say no. I don't stop him.

I bury my head in his shoulder, my arms around his neck, my heart now speeding up because I know what's going to happen. Finally, I know that I want it to.

He carries me to a room several doors down from ours and takes the keycard from me, opening the door without putting me down, and I wonder if he's afraid that if he puts me down I'll run away.

We cross the threshold into the darkness and he carries me to the bed, its outline just visible in the sliver of light that filters in from under the heavy drapes at the window. He lays me on it, and I try to pull him down to me, finally committing myself, but he takes my hands and pulls them from around his neck.

"Not in the dark," he says. "Not with you."

He goes to the night table and turns on the light to its lowest setting. Then he's back and climbs on top of me, resting on his elbows, his face directly above mine. He just looks at me for a long moment, his eyes moving over my face, my hair, my eyes and there's so much tenderness there along with desire. He runs his fingers over my lips, and down my cheek.

"You're so _beautiful_."

He just stares at me, prolonging this moment as if he doesn't believe it's finally happening. It makes this harder for me. This isn't quick and hot and passionate, the way I thought it would be. It's so much more intimate, his eyes searching my face like he's trying to see into me.

Finally, he leans down and kisses me, softly, his lips pressing against mine, not parting, chaste. The moment expands and his breathing becomes faster and I can feel his erection press into me. My muscles clench in response and my breath hitches. Desire courses through my body like a wave, making me dizzy.

_Oh, God…_

He deepens the kiss, his lips parting mine, his tongue meeting mine and I'm lost in the sensations, my desire building so high I think I'll pass out from lust. Then he pulls back and starts kissing my face. His lips press slowly and deliberately along my jaw, down my throat, and finally against my neck, beneath my ear and I know it's where he'd bite me if he was going to feed.

It's as if he's reminding me that he's a vampire and everything changes once more.

He presses his lips there, as if deciding, as if he's feeling my pulse. Then his mouth opens, his tongue wet against my skin and for a moment, I'm afraid he _will_ bite me, that he'll lose control and kill me by accident. I wait, unable to breathe, but he doesn't, just keeps his mouth there, soft, wet, as if proving that I can trust him, that he can trust himself.

I know he wants to taste my blood. He doesn't ask me and the moment passes, and I breathe again. It leaves me even more aroused, the flesh throbbing between my thighs, excited by how close he was, his teeth right there, his mouth over my vein. I'm shocked at how erotic that moment was and it does something strange to me that being with Stefan never did.

While he keeps his mouth on my neck, his tongue on my skin, he begins to explore my body, slipping one hand down my shoulder to one breast, squeezing it over top of my sweater, his thumb circling my nipple through the fabric, which becomes erect from his touch. Then his hand moves lower to my waist and to my hip, lifting my leg and pulling me against him so that his erection presses directly against me. It feels so good that I gasp, and press back.

His slow exploration of my body while he keeps his mouth on my neck, reminding me he's a vampire, is driving me crazy with desire, my body responding, each stroke and touch building my arousal so that the ache between my legs is deepening. I want him to touch me there and as if reading my mind, he does, his hand sliding over and around my thigh, slipping between my legs, fingers pressing down along the seam of my jeans and I press back against them.

I'm so lost now, so ready, my heart beating so fast and he hasn't even undressed me. I just let myself respond, no longer concerned with what this means. He kisses me again, his kisses now more passionate, his tongue searching out mine, his hand slipping under my sweater and up to my breast, pushing the cup up to expose it, his fingers now on my skin, rubbing my nipple and it sends a jolt right to my clit, my body arching into his hand.

_Oh, God, oh God, Damon.._.

His hand moves down to my waist again, his fingers slipping beneath my jeans, down lower, sliding under my panties and against my skin, until he find my flesh, and I spread my thighs like some wanton woman. His fingers slide between my lips to find my clit and it's so hard, so swollen, I moan into his mouth from the intensity of the sensation.

He's driving me crazy with this slow deliberate build-up, and I'm shaking from it.

_Oh, God just take my clothes off…_

He sits up and pulls me up as well, then pulls my sweater up and over my head, his eyes on mine, not looking away, leaning close, his arms going around me, unhooking my bra so that my breasts spill out, my nipples hardening in the chill air. Only then does he look down, his eyes greedy to see me. His eyes close briefly as if it's too much. He opens them again and reaches out to touch me, his fingers stroking down my body from my neck and lower, cupping both my breasts as he leans in and kisses me once more, his eyes open as he rubs my nipples between fingers and thumbs.

I reach for his shirt and start unbuttoning, eager to touch his skin and he helps me, almost ripping his shirt off before the buttons are all undone. Then he presses me back against the bed and kisses me once more before his mouth moves down my neck to one nipple, his tongue soft on it, circling it, then sucking. The sensation goes right from my nipple to my clit and I groan, arching my back up, pressing my breast into his mouth. He moves back and forth from one breast and one nipple to the other, driving me mad with lust, and I'm breathing so fast, my fingers tangling in his hair, pulling his head against me.

He pulls away and I just lie there, staring at the ceiling as he unbuttons my jeans and pulls them off me, his movements a bit more rough, and he slips my panties down and off. He's on top of me again, back at my nipples, kissing and licking each one before moving down my body, over my waist and down lower, kissing all around my belly, on each thigh.

I lift my head up and watch him, and he looks up, his eyes meeting mine, and it's like a current of electricity passes between us. He places a hand on each leg and parts my thighs, wide, wider, his eyes holding mine and my face is hot, my cheeks flushed. He looks down, my legs spread so wantonly, and I can barely breathe as I wait for his mouth to touch me.

_Oh, God, oh God, oh God…_

He kisses each thigh, all around but never directly on me, and I have to close my eyes and lean my head back, I'm breathing so hard.

_Fuck, Damon, do it…_

When his tongue touches me, I gasp and he stops, his breath warm on my flesh.

"Look at me, Elena," he says, his voice husky. "Watch."

I lift my head up and our eyes meet again. I watch as he moves down, his tongue slowly sliding up between my lips, circling my clit. My hips buck and I moan, my heart racing, that delicious sensation building in my body, down my legs as he continues stroking me with his tongue.

When he slips fingers inside me, stroking me from within, it's too much and I cry out, my eyes squeezing shut, my body clenching around his fingers as his tongue continues circling my clit.

Before I can recover, I hear him unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. I lie there, slowly coming down from the pleasure, waiting to see what he'll do and he's naked on top of me, kissing me once more and I taste myself on his lips and tongue.

I reach down his body as he lies on top of me, searching for his erection, wanting to please him and I feel it and he's so rigid, so wet, so ready for me. He pulls away and looks in my eyes as I grip him, his lips parted, breathing hard. I roll my fingertips around the head, wetting them with his moisture, then reach up and slip a finger into my mouth. His eyes widen for a moment and then he groans.

"_Elena…"_

I push him onto his back and start my own exploration of his body, down his neck the way he did to me, my mouth on the skin beneath his ear and I can feel his pulse beneath my tongue. It's so strong and fast, and I understand just a bit what he felt.

Then lower, running my tongue over each nipple, nipping at them, and when he inhales quickly, I tongue each one in turn. I move down his body, my fingers and then my tongue sliding over the crest of his hip and down the cleft to his groin. His erection lies thick and wet on his belly and I kiss all around it, avoiding it, tormenting him, before slowly licking him from the base to the tip.

"Oh, _God_," he says and rises up on his elbows so he can watch.

I finally take him into my mouth and roll my tongue around the head, sucking, pulling, my hand moving over his shaft while I do, one hand cupping him from below.

I increase the intensity and soon he's shaking. Finally, he pulls me off, lifting me up, kissing me.

He turns me over onto my back and pulls my hips to the side of the bed. He spreads my thighs, placing one of my feet on either shoulder. l feel completely wanton in this position, but don't care. I'm on my elbows, watching as he rubs my clit with the head of his erection, sliding it over and around, then slipping to the entrance to my body, not penetrating, just rubbing up and down.

It feels so good, I'm dizzy.

"Damon, _please_," I say, lust building in me once more.

When he finally enters me fully, the sensation is so sweet I gasp.

He starts thrusting, his thumb on my clit, circling, and the pleasure builds inside my body. He keeps his eyes on mine, his face is now flushed, his breathing fast and shallow.

"Come for me, Elena," he says through gritted teeth and finally, the combined sensations of him thrusting inside me and his touching my clit brings me over the edge and I come, the pleasure spreading out from my center, down my legs and up my belly and my eyes close and I contract around him.

"Oh, Elena, Elena, oh, _fuck_…" He groans, thrusting hard, grunting with each thrust as he finds his release, leaning down over me, his mouth finding mine.

We lie there, our limbs tangled, my legs around his waist, his arms around me. His mouth finds my neck once more, his tongue against my skin.

He rises up and kisses me. My eyes are closed and I just allow the sensation of bliss to wash over me. He pulls away and just lies there and I know he's staring at me.

I open my eyes and he's looking at me with such an expression on his face, I don't know how to describe it. Love, fear. I can't tell which or if it's both.

Like he expects me to change my mind. It's his fault that I come back to reality. It's that look that does it, reminding me that we're in Denver, Jeremy's just down the row of motel rooms, Kol killed Scary Mary, we don't know who sired Rose, Klaus still wants to use me to create an army of hybrids, and this thing between Damon and me will break Stefan's heart.

Stefan, I'm so _sorry_…

"_Don't_," Damon says as if he knows where my mind's going. "_Elena_…"

Tears bite at the corners of my eyes at the sound of his voice, so soft and already full of grief. I struggle out from underneath him, pulling away, grabbing my bra and panties and dressing, hiding behind my hair, which covers my face and hides my tears.

Damon just watches me as if he knows there's noting he can do or say. This is something I have to figure out myself. I pull on my sweater and jeans, and then slip on my shoes.

"I love you, Elena."

I stop at the door for a moment, biting my cheek to stop from crying.

"I know." I go back to the bed and lean down to kiss him, my hands on either side of his face.

Then I leave him on the bed and run outside, digging my nails into my palms so hard that I draw blood. I get to the other room, but I have no keycard and I stand outside and cradle my bloody palm in my hands, tears dripping off my cheeks.

Damon comes to me, dressed only in jeans and bare feet, and folds me in his arms. He takes my hand and examines my palm, seeing the blood there. He bends his head down to it and holds it to his mouth, his tongue on my wound, tasting me and I know that for him, it's more intimate than what we've just done.

I'm hopelessly in love with him, this one hundred and seventy year old vampire, this hot-headed, too-sensitive, impulsive, intense and loyal man, brother of the other vampire I'm still in love with.

And I can't imagine a world without both of them in my arms.

* * *

_If you like my Vampire Diaries stories, you will like my original vampire fiction. My novel DOMINION will be available on June 15 2012. You can read an excerpt there. Search my name S. E. Lund._


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